do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
