so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
