So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
