Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
