Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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