i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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