We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
50% drunk capacity currently
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
