I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
