I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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