Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I will die if light touches me.
it hurts more in the daytime
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
