Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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