I wanna passion pit in your ass
it was like eating out sand paper
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
