Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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