What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
