I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize