the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
