he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
