There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
