It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
