just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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