put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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