when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize