i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
