I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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