hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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