He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
