Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just forgot I was standing up.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
