just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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