My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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