Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
