Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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