i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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