so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
