Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
