Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
