my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
