I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
