my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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