i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
