I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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