you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
