Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
