if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
