you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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