I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
