How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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