Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
bring money and cleavage
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
