We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
