Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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