I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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