if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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