I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My liver just broke up with me...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
