She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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