first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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