Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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