This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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