I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
