He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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