how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
