before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
