even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
