Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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