he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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