Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
either way he was missing a nipple.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I smell like Dick and happiness
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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