She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
